awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
