so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
