Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
