youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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