Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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