Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
