you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Operation Purity has been aborted
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
