Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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