You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
