I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
