Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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