my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
