Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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