I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
