I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
