Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
