I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
