everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
