Jerry, you need to find god
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
