just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
