And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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