When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Bring me that man meat
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
