i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
