Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
