Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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