1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
