He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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