Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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