somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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