You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
