Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
