if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
