Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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