gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
