I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
