Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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