I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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