Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
