the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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