Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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