i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
