i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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