just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
