I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
