i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
