any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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