you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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