areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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