I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
