am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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