thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
