so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
