i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
